The Phish Food Sabotage

Last night I had an interesting realization about my experiment. Not only is my March to March Madness an experiment with organizing and structuring my time, but it is also an experiment in how I break my patterns of bad behavior. Bad behavior is participating in anything that does not get me closer to my goals and intentions to be and live a healthy lifestyle. So here's what happen yesterday...

I had a super successful day. I took all my vitamins, drank all my water (with lemon), the tea, the detox shake and stayed away from wheat. I had a protein-rich lunch, fruit, nuts and then pushed away the urge to have take out Chinese food for dinner. I was going to have shrimp and brown rice, which is fine, but I decided to eat what I had at home and not spend the extra cash. I was proud of myself for that one. :-) I stayed after work with Lindsey to clean out the kitchen which gave me a good sweat and kept me moving for 1 1/2 hours straight. At home I made dinner and did my squat/plank/pushup/crunch challenge. I also meditated for about 10 minutes before I got into bed at 9:50pm. So where, you ask, did the sabotage occur...? I was at the grocery store to buy organic, cage-free eggs and then I put a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice-cream (my favorite) in my basket and swiped my credit card. I don't know why I bought it. Well...that's not true. I bought it because 1) it doesn't have wheat in it, and 2) I told myself I would just have a little. Well that was a big fat lie, even when I bought it! I knew I would probably eat the whole damn thing...and I did. Erica called me to invite me over for a nice dinner and a walk afterwards. I had already bought the ice-cream and brushed her off. I wanted the ice-cream and had my mind set on it.

SIDE NOTE: Sometimes when I am talking with people (mom, friends, Val) about getting a handle on my weight and making good choices, I will be thinking about the bad-for-me food I plan on buying as soon as I'm done with the conversation. My mind is already set on it! I think that's mirroring addictive behavior. I'm shaking my head in agreement with my friend and visualizing myself eating the nachos/ice-cream/candy/cheese. I need to give this side note some more thought and focus later.

Back to the Phish Food. I ate it all. It was really good, but after a few bites it became just something I was doing with my hands and my mouth because I told myself I could. Pure self-sabotage. I started to feel bad about myself. I went straight to my meditation alter, lite the candle, closed my eyes and started the tapping routine. "Even though I made a really bad decision to eat all that ice-cream after a full day of making good choices, I love and accept myself". Repeat...repeat...repeat. Then I had a little epiphany. Yes, I made a bad choice, however, I will cut myself a lot of slack. I'm only 2 1/2 weeks into a 52 week experiment to change my life by changing my choices. One slip up with some ice-cream is not the end of the world! I am totally impressed with myself so far in my ability to change so much already. Water, meditation, food, no wheat, less TV, more exercise, cooking, and reaching out to the people who love me the most. One pint of ice-cream is not going to bring me down. I have taken notice of my action and am learning from it now. Next time I'm having a staring contest with Phish Food I just might win. ;-)

TO DO:
1. Research OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and see if it's something I should more seriously consider
2. If I'm going to eat ice-cream, put it in a bowl instead of eating out of the carton
3. If I'm going to eat ice-cream, use the smallest spoon I have, not the largest (haha)

Today is another day of choices,
Kelly Neuer, Phish Food lover