Okay, so, wheat is out. I have noticed a few things happening with my body. My bloat is gone, I have more energy, less food cravings and my close are getting just a bit looser. Well, they mostly just aren't as tight. I don't think "loose" is the right word yet. I'm not at the stage where I need to buy smaller sizes of clothes. It's been 10 weeks now and to be honest, I expected to see some more noticeable changes in my body size. Slight changes, yes, I'm happy about that, but was hoping for a bit more. This started me thinking about what I've been doing and what I've been eating over these past weeks that are either helping or hindering my 52 week experiment. Last night...it came to me...
A running joke with my sister and mom is "Kelly loves her cheese". They know me and know the first thing I go to at parties is the cheese plate. Heaven forbid there is brie...I'm crazy for brie and could eat a whole wheel by myself. When I WAS eating bread and crackers there was ALWAYS more cheese than cracker. Well, now that wheat is completely out it's just the cheese. Eating cheese has become my wheat substitution!! I'm surprised I haven't resorted to spreading cheese on my cheese and calling it lunch. When I go shopping I always seem to make sure I hit up the cheese isle and buy myself some brie. I probably have 1-2 triangles of brie every two weeks, but sometimes every week. This is much too much cheese. I have a block of Colby-jack cheese at work and maybe 1-2 times a week have a few slices with lunch.
While I'm not putting pressure on myself to limit foods I eat (as long as it's not wheat) and I realize I haven't put any parameters around what foods I SHOULD eat and/or avoid (because it's not wheat and as long as it's not wheat I can have it and not feel bad). This opens the floor to as much sugar and dairy as I want. Well, therein lies my problem. Two thoughts occur to me here:
1. I have a hard time with dietary restrictions because the child inside me wants to eat whatever she wants and the adult in me has the money to pay for it. Would I let my 8 year old daughter eat this much cheese or sugar? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't bring it into the house. I would probably make is something we eat when we're out and not this looming temptation in the fridge.
2. The dairy industry. That's a loaded statement. Cow's are so misused for their milk AND pumped with hormones and antibiotics that their milk and their meat is tainted. I have been trying to eat organically and not even considered brie to be a part of the lifestyle I've been avoiding in my other foods. I did some online investigating and ended up on PETA's website in a section about cow's milk (http://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-food/animals-used-food-factsheets/cows-milk-cruel-unhealthy-product/). There is a video there and I wouldn't suggest watching it unless you want to start crying and feel badly about every single bite of dairy you've ever had. How can I eat cheese from cow's milk knowing what people are doing to all these cows? This is something I can't blog about anymore because I can feel myself getting upset. Bottom line is...if I am eating cheese I'm not only putting hormones and things into my system, I'm also supporting (with my purchases) everything going on in the video in the above link. I am fully aware of the fact that our food customs are hard to break and I can't go around punishing myself for eating anything not grown myself (practically), but I can think about my food differently and make different choices that will be better for animals and my own physical health.
Last night (when I was thinking more about the fat cells around my belly and not this PETA website) I did a physical meditation. I laid down and rubbed my tummy in a clockwise motion visualizing my positive and cleansing energy moving through my belly and relaxing and releasing the fat attached to my organs, inside my blood and woven throughout my muscles. I "gathered" the fat cells in my mind in a circular fashion and placed them into my colon to be eliminated when I go to the bathroom. While moving my hands over my tummy I could feel the bulges of fat underneath. Sadness crept up, but I just reminded myself that I'm changing now and replaced the sadness with stillness and acceptance of my body and its ability to right all the wrong I've done to it. After about 15 minutes I drifted to sleep.
Accepting the thing I like least about my body (the extra fat) is a challenge. To help myself continue to fall in love with me I need to be more conscious of what I'm putting into my body that will give it the shape I either do, or don't, feel good in. I'm falling back in love with myself emotionally and physically. To be proud of the skin I'm in is another part of my healing process.
Now, I'm going to investigate alternatives to cow's milk and see what comes up. (http://www.theecologist.org/green_green_living/food_and_drink/847876/top_10alternatives_to_cows_milk.html)
I must find the light at the end of the dairy tunnel to continue to feel good about my food choices.
~ Kel
