I have so many things going on right now:
1. No wheat
2. Meditating 1-2 times a day
3. Reading and using The Tapping Solution
4. Doing a liver detox
5. Drinking my green tea every day (yuck)
6. Getting enough sleep
7. Taking walks during work
8. Taking walks after work
9. Watching less TV
10. Making a new recipe each week (ha!)
11. Starting a new skin care regime
12. Thinking about becoming a vegetarian...a vegan maybe
13. Watching documentaries to inspire how I want to live my life
14. In a constant state of self-reflection
15. Learning to be in a constant state of self-acceptance
16. Reading health books
17. Blogging
18. Not stressing about money
19. And so many other little things like painting my nails, going to all my doctor and counselor appointments, journaling, new clothes, new hair, wearing lipstick every day and of course, being mindful of how much water I need to drink.
Now...I am adding something else...THE CLEANSE. It's the program that pulls sugar, dairy and nuts from my food options, puts me in the bathtub to sweat every night and overall makes me very conscious about my food choices and food plans. Thank goodness I have an amazing mom who has agreed to do The Cleanse with me so I have someone to keep me accountable and someone to complain to. Part of me thinks I might be adding a little too much stress on myself, but the other part of me is so excited about the change because I feel like my body has plateaued. I am doing all this stuff for my health and wellbeing, but it's not showing up in my body as much as I had expected. It's been 5 months already and I am still wearing the same jeans. What the hell?!?! Why aren't I at least in another size pant? Why haven't the inches been flying off of me? Again...what the hell?! The only thing I haven't taken out of my diet is sugar. It's not like I eat that much sugar...well...I just kinda lied after I took a flash to think about that statement. I guess I do eat a lot of sugar. If figured since I took out wheat (which took out fast food), and I reduced dairy and drank tons of water it would be okay for me to have ice-cream or gelato. Well...I think I have indulged a little too much. But still!...5 months and still the same pant size...come on!
So, now, with The Cleanse, I'm finally taking sugar completely out. The program is for 8 weeks. I'm seeing my nutritionist, Breckken, today so she can weight me and take my measurements, then I will see her again in 8 weeks to do the same. Although I will still be unaware of my numbers I am confident there will be a change in my physical health (i.e., less fat on my bones). It's time this plateau ended. It's time for me to breathe life back into my program with something that will really be a challenge. The list above have been changes, but none of them have been really, really, challenging.
Here's another little interesting fact: I've been reading a book called "Grain Brain" and it's saying how the wheat people eat in their diets is practically killing the functionality of the brain and effecting the productivity of our entire body's functions. Wheat turns to glucose and glucose causes all sorts of problems. In reality, every day, people are just eating loads and loads of sugar because they are eating loads and loads of wheat. The really culprit is the glucose! The freakin' sugar! I've been so concerned with taking out the wheat, but not one bit concerned about applying the same sense of urgency to taking out the refined sugar! OMG!!! No wonder I'm stuck. The next book I read needs to be about sugar. I have adapted really comfortably to a life without wheat (no problem really), but a life without sugar is a whole other thing...
My plateau dissemination lies in MY hands to resist the callings from Ben and Jerry, from Mars Inc., from C&H, and from my monthly cycle when all I can think about is filling the black hole of chocolate cravings with chocolate.
Wish me luck...I will report back in 8 weeks (or sooner) of The Cleanse results.
Thank you mom for doing this with me. I love you.
~ Kel
Friday, August 1, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
The Ex-Factor
Ex-boyfriends...ugh
A VERY valid idea by Miranda from the HBO show Sex and the City... "Can't they just round up all our ex-boyfriends and put them on an island somewhere so we never, ever have to see them again?" Agreed! Just seeing pictures of my ex brings the memory of heartbreak to the surface, never mind seeing the ex face-to-face! That's a whole other dilemma. And it happened a few days ago. I saw him, felt pain and wanted to rob Charlie's Chocolate Factory, swim in a sea of soda and eat Cheetos and Fritos and Doritos. My usual response to heart pain is just that. Sugar, fast food, sweatpants and the couch, followed by staying up too late, self-loathing in the mirror that weirdly adds 40lbs to everything and enhances under-eye dark circles. Can't sleep because my brain can't turn off about how much love sucks when it's over and how weak I am to the ice-cream, soda and chips that stopped tasting good after the 2nd bite, but I ate anyway. No sleep before so I sleep in too late the next day (darker eye circles), upset tummy, back in the sweats, back on the couch, make-shift breakfast and wishing I hadn't eaten all the bad food I bought yesterday because all I want is more now so I can repeat the process another day just to make sure I've punished myself enough to make it really count. It's terrible, it's horrible and I am so tired of allowing myself to go through that pattern so many times in the past.
This time was different. I was so proud of myself. I saw the ex, cried in the car on the way home (thinking about ice-cream, soda and chips), talked myself past the grocery store, past the 7-11, past the self-checkout Walmart (used so many times to buy crap food in secret), and straight to my house. I talked out loud to myself through why I was really crying and came to the conclusion that it was okay to feel sad, but I needed to leave it at the door. I wasn't going to give in to my past routine. I did a few things around the house, made some dinner and I did watch TV, but I didn't dwell in the sadness. The next day I woke up, went for a 2 mile walk, went to the pool and read a magazine, took a nap, made two new recipes and didn't shed a tear. It was a very productive day.
Kelly = 1
Sadness Sabotage = 0
The morale of it all is there is no way to round up all ex-boyfriends up and ship them off to an island so in the future I may or may not run in to my ex-boyfriend and I may or may not feel sadness about the lost relationship and that's just going to have to be okay. I will get through it. My friends, my family and my determination will keep me strong. Thank you to all of you who support me through all of this re-training. :-) It is definitely an experiment.
Love,
Kel
A VERY valid idea by Miranda from the HBO show Sex and the City... "Can't they just round up all our ex-boyfriends and put them on an island somewhere so we never, ever have to see them again?" Agreed! Just seeing pictures of my ex brings the memory of heartbreak to the surface, never mind seeing the ex face-to-face! That's a whole other dilemma. And it happened a few days ago. I saw him, felt pain and wanted to rob Charlie's Chocolate Factory, swim in a sea of soda and eat Cheetos and Fritos and Doritos. My usual response to heart pain is just that. Sugar, fast food, sweatpants and the couch, followed by staying up too late, self-loathing in the mirror that weirdly adds 40lbs to everything and enhances under-eye dark circles. Can't sleep because my brain can't turn off about how much love sucks when it's over and how weak I am to the ice-cream, soda and chips that stopped tasting good after the 2nd bite, but I ate anyway. No sleep before so I sleep in too late the next day (darker eye circles), upset tummy, back in the sweats, back on the couch, make-shift breakfast and wishing I hadn't eaten all the bad food I bought yesterday because all I want is more now so I can repeat the process another day just to make sure I've punished myself enough to make it really count. It's terrible, it's horrible and I am so tired of allowing myself to go through that pattern so many times in the past.
This time was different. I was so proud of myself. I saw the ex, cried in the car on the way home (thinking about ice-cream, soda and chips), talked myself past the grocery store, past the 7-11, past the self-checkout Walmart (used so many times to buy crap food in secret), and straight to my house. I talked out loud to myself through why I was really crying and came to the conclusion that it was okay to feel sad, but I needed to leave it at the door. I wasn't going to give in to my past routine. I did a few things around the house, made some dinner and I did watch TV, but I didn't dwell in the sadness. The next day I woke up, went for a 2 mile walk, went to the pool and read a magazine, took a nap, made two new recipes and didn't shed a tear. It was a very productive day.
Kelly = 1
Sadness Sabotage = 0
The morale of it all is there is no way to round up all ex-boyfriends up and ship them off to an island so in the future I may or may not run in to my ex-boyfriend and I may or may not feel sadness about the lost relationship and that's just going to have to be okay. I will get through it. My friends, my family and my determination will keep me strong. Thank you to all of you who support me through all of this re-training. :-) It is definitely an experiment.
Love,
Kel
Friday, May 9, 2014
My Wheat Substitution...Cheese
Okay, so, wheat is out. I have noticed a few things happening with my body. My bloat is gone, I have more energy, less food cravings and my close are getting just a bit looser. Well, they mostly just aren't as tight. I don't think "loose" is the right word yet. I'm not at the stage where I need to buy smaller sizes of clothes. It's been 10 weeks now and to be honest, I expected to see some more noticeable changes in my body size. Slight changes, yes, I'm happy about that, but was hoping for a bit more. This started me thinking about what I've been doing and what I've been eating over these past weeks that are either helping or hindering my 52 week experiment. Last night...it came to me...
A running joke with my sister and mom is "Kelly loves her cheese". They know me and know the first thing I go to at parties is the cheese plate. Heaven forbid there is brie...I'm crazy for brie and could eat a whole wheel by myself. When I WAS eating bread and crackers there was ALWAYS more cheese than cracker. Well, now that wheat is completely out it's just the cheese. Eating cheese has become my wheat substitution!! I'm surprised I haven't resorted to spreading cheese on my cheese and calling it lunch. When I go shopping I always seem to make sure I hit up the cheese isle and buy myself some brie. I probably have 1-2 triangles of brie every two weeks, but sometimes every week. This is much too much cheese. I have a block of Colby-jack cheese at work and maybe 1-2 times a week have a few slices with lunch.
While I'm not putting pressure on myself to limit foods I eat (as long as it's not wheat) and I realize I haven't put any parameters around what foods I SHOULD eat and/or avoid (because it's not wheat and as long as it's not wheat I can have it and not feel bad). This opens the floor to as much sugar and dairy as I want. Well, therein lies my problem. Two thoughts occur to me here:
1. I have a hard time with dietary restrictions because the child inside me wants to eat whatever she wants and the adult in me has the money to pay for it. Would I let my 8 year old daughter eat this much cheese or sugar? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't bring it into the house. I would probably make is something we eat when we're out and not this looming temptation in the fridge.
2. The dairy industry. That's a loaded statement. Cow's are so misused for their milk AND pumped with hormones and antibiotics that their milk and their meat is tainted. I have been trying to eat organically and not even considered brie to be a part of the lifestyle I've been avoiding in my other foods. I did some online investigating and ended up on PETA's website in a section about cow's milk (http://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-food/animals-used-food-factsheets/cows-milk-cruel-unhealthy-product/). There is a video there and I wouldn't suggest watching it unless you want to start crying and feel badly about every single bite of dairy you've ever had. How can I eat cheese from cow's milk knowing what people are doing to all these cows? This is something I can't blog about anymore because I can feel myself getting upset. Bottom line is...if I am eating cheese I'm not only putting hormones and things into my system, I'm also supporting (with my purchases) everything going on in the video in the above link. I am fully aware of the fact that our food customs are hard to break and I can't go around punishing myself for eating anything not grown myself (practically), but I can think about my food differently and make different choices that will be better for animals and my own physical health.
Last night (when I was thinking more about the fat cells around my belly and not this PETA website) I did a physical meditation. I laid down and rubbed my tummy in a clockwise motion visualizing my positive and cleansing energy moving through my belly and relaxing and releasing the fat attached to my organs, inside my blood and woven throughout my muscles. I "gathered" the fat cells in my mind in a circular fashion and placed them into my colon to be eliminated when I go to the bathroom. While moving my hands over my tummy I could feel the bulges of fat underneath. Sadness crept up, but I just reminded myself that I'm changing now and replaced the sadness with stillness and acceptance of my body and its ability to right all the wrong I've done to it. After about 15 minutes I drifted to sleep.
Accepting the thing I like least about my body (the extra fat) is a challenge. To help myself continue to fall in love with me I need to be more conscious of what I'm putting into my body that will give it the shape I either do, or don't, feel good in. I'm falling back in love with myself emotionally and physically. To be proud of the skin I'm in is another part of my healing process.
Now, I'm going to investigate alternatives to cow's milk and see what comes up. (http://www.theecologist.org/green_green_living/food_and_drink/847876/top_10alternatives_to_cows_milk.html)
I must find the light at the end of the dairy tunnel to continue to feel good about my food choices.
~ Kel
A running joke with my sister and mom is "Kelly loves her cheese". They know me and know the first thing I go to at parties is the cheese plate. Heaven forbid there is brie...I'm crazy for brie and could eat a whole wheel by myself. When I WAS eating bread and crackers there was ALWAYS more cheese than cracker. Well, now that wheat is completely out it's just the cheese. Eating cheese has become my wheat substitution!! I'm surprised I haven't resorted to spreading cheese on my cheese and calling it lunch. When I go shopping I always seem to make sure I hit up the cheese isle and buy myself some brie. I probably have 1-2 triangles of brie every two weeks, but sometimes every week. This is much too much cheese. I have a block of Colby-jack cheese at work and maybe 1-2 times a week have a few slices with lunch.
While I'm not putting pressure on myself to limit foods I eat (as long as it's not wheat) and I realize I haven't put any parameters around what foods I SHOULD eat and/or avoid (because it's not wheat and as long as it's not wheat I can have it and not feel bad). This opens the floor to as much sugar and dairy as I want. Well, therein lies my problem. Two thoughts occur to me here:
1. I have a hard time with dietary restrictions because the child inside me wants to eat whatever she wants and the adult in me has the money to pay for it. Would I let my 8 year old daughter eat this much cheese or sugar? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't bring it into the house. I would probably make is something we eat when we're out and not this looming temptation in the fridge.
2. The dairy industry. That's a loaded statement. Cow's are so misused for their milk AND pumped with hormones and antibiotics that their milk and their meat is tainted. I have been trying to eat organically and not even considered brie to be a part of the lifestyle I've been avoiding in my other foods. I did some online investigating and ended up on PETA's website in a section about cow's milk (http://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-food/animals-used-food-factsheets/cows-milk-cruel-unhealthy-product/). There is a video there and I wouldn't suggest watching it unless you want to start crying and feel badly about every single bite of dairy you've ever had. How can I eat cheese from cow's milk knowing what people are doing to all these cows? This is something I can't blog about anymore because I can feel myself getting upset. Bottom line is...if I am eating cheese I'm not only putting hormones and things into my system, I'm also supporting (with my purchases) everything going on in the video in the above link. I am fully aware of the fact that our food customs are hard to break and I can't go around punishing myself for eating anything not grown myself (practically), but I can think about my food differently and make different choices that will be better for animals and my own physical health.
Last night (when I was thinking more about the fat cells around my belly and not this PETA website) I did a physical meditation. I laid down and rubbed my tummy in a clockwise motion visualizing my positive and cleansing energy moving through my belly and relaxing and releasing the fat attached to my organs, inside my blood and woven throughout my muscles. I "gathered" the fat cells in my mind in a circular fashion and placed them into my colon to be eliminated when I go to the bathroom. While moving my hands over my tummy I could feel the bulges of fat underneath. Sadness crept up, but I just reminded myself that I'm changing now and replaced the sadness with stillness and acceptance of my body and its ability to right all the wrong I've done to it. After about 15 minutes I drifted to sleep.
Accepting the thing I like least about my body (the extra fat) is a challenge. To help myself continue to fall in love with me I need to be more conscious of what I'm putting into my body that will give it the shape I either do, or don't, feel good in. I'm falling back in love with myself emotionally and physically. To be proud of the skin I'm in is another part of my healing process.
Now, I'm going to investigate alternatives to cow's milk and see what comes up. (http://www.theecologist.org/green_green_living/food_and_drink/847876/top_10alternatives_to_cows_milk.html)
I must find the light at the end of the dairy tunnel to continue to feel good about my food choices.
~ Kel
Monday, April 7, 2014
The Power of Focused Meditation
My Typical Weekday Meditation Process
1. Wake up
2. Take shower
3. Sit on edge of bed, close my eyes and take slow, long breaths for 1-2 minutes. I think about breathing in fresh oxygen into my body, exhaling stale air and think about being alert for my day.
4. Open my eyes and finish getting ready for work
My Typical Weeknight Meditation Process (hurried)
1. Turn off the house
2. Turn on the fan, off the light
3. Stretch for a minute or so on the edge of my bed. Once - twice a week I will do some tapping technique while I stretch.
4. Get into bed, close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I acknowledge parts of my body, one at a time, and say "you have my whole heart for my whole life".
5. I usually fall asleep moments after finishing the cycle.
My Typical Weeknight/Weekend Morning Meditation Process (not hurried)
1. Turn off the house / get out of bed
2. Light the candle at my meditation alter
3. Sit on the ground in comfy pajamas
4. Close my eyes, open my palms and feel Tux walking around me or sitting close while I take slow breaths in and out.
5. Open my eyes and look at everything on my alter and spend a few minutes focusing on why I put it there and what it represents. For instance, I have a ring in a ring box given to me by my late grandmother. The ring is unique and beautiful with an amethyst stone in an intricate gold setting. Just as I am unique and beautiful, so is this ring. It is also too small to fit on my finger, but I try it on every day knowing that as my experiment goes on, so will this gorgeous ring. I follow this mindset with the five additional items on my alter.
6. Focus again on my breathing
7. Blow out candle and go to bed / start my day
Yesterday Morning's Mediation Process - I tried something new based on guidance from a book I'm reading called "Secrets of Meditation", by davidji. The section is called Releasing Stored Emotional Pain and asks us to tap into what emotional pain we feel in our lives in order to "identify emotional pain, mobilize it, release it, and then heal the wounds" and to "see ones story as an excuse for not making conscious choices in the present".
It took me a minute to really focus in on what my emotional pain is in this time in my life. My first thought was about being single and not having the love of a partner. Almost as soon as I thought it I knew it wasn't true. I don't feel pain over being single right now, I feel great. I get so much love from my other relationships and don't feel lonely or neglected. So...if it wasn't partnership, money, career, could it be my health? Well, yes and no. I asked myself, when I am alone, what happens that brings up sadness about my life or state of being in my heart. It's a funny answer really...it's stiffness. I feel more emotional pain around the stiffness and inflexibility of my body than anything else. When I creek or cringe just moving around I feel badly about myself and frustrated that I let myself get this way. It's painful to know my young body is so weighted down with fat that it makes simple activities uncomfortable. I tell myself I can't do certain chores or activities because I'll be sore or am not flexible enough to them. That's when I feel the most negativity about myself.
So, during my morning meditation yesterday I thought about all those moments, teared up a little, then let it go and made the pain a part of my old self. I released the pressure to be perfectly flexible all the time, a month into my new life and just focused on trusting my body to be able to support everything I did during the day. I would keep myself mindful of my body's capabilities all day. And what do you know....holy hell...! I cleaned my condo, top to bottom, caulked and painted the touchup spots on the walls, had a dance party in my living room and did my squat/pushup/plank/crunch challenge. I cleaned for 7 hours yesterday. Scrubbed the tub with a toothbrush even! I bent and stretched and leaned and squatted and moved with confidence and intention. I felt amazing with my accomplishments yesterday. The old me would have sat down and watched TV for the rest of the day once my back started getting sore from cleaning just the toilet. But I pushed through and my body responded. I didn't feel like an old, fat person for one moment yesterday. It was wonderful! I'm so proud of myself and so grateful for my access to literature that changes me for the best.
Thanks be to the power of a little focused meditation.
Love,
Kel
1. Wake up
2. Take shower
3. Sit on edge of bed, close my eyes and take slow, long breaths for 1-2 minutes. I think about breathing in fresh oxygen into my body, exhaling stale air and think about being alert for my day.
4. Open my eyes and finish getting ready for work
My Typical Weeknight Meditation Process (hurried)
1. Turn off the house
2. Turn on the fan, off the light
3. Stretch for a minute or so on the edge of my bed. Once - twice a week I will do some tapping technique while I stretch.
4. Get into bed, close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I acknowledge parts of my body, one at a time, and say "you have my whole heart for my whole life".
5. I usually fall asleep moments after finishing the cycle.
My Typical Weeknight/Weekend Morning Meditation Process (not hurried)
1. Turn off the house / get out of bed
2. Light the candle at my meditation alter
3. Sit on the ground in comfy pajamas
4. Close my eyes, open my palms and feel Tux walking around me or sitting close while I take slow breaths in and out.
5. Open my eyes and look at everything on my alter and spend a few minutes focusing on why I put it there and what it represents. For instance, I have a ring in a ring box given to me by my late grandmother. The ring is unique and beautiful with an amethyst stone in an intricate gold setting. Just as I am unique and beautiful, so is this ring. It is also too small to fit on my finger, but I try it on every day knowing that as my experiment goes on, so will this gorgeous ring. I follow this mindset with the five additional items on my alter.
6. Focus again on my breathing
7. Blow out candle and go to bed / start my day
Yesterday Morning's Mediation Process - I tried something new based on guidance from a book I'm reading called "Secrets of Meditation", by davidji. The section is called Releasing Stored Emotional Pain and asks us to tap into what emotional pain we feel in our lives in order to "identify emotional pain, mobilize it, release it, and then heal the wounds" and to "see ones story as an excuse for not making conscious choices in the present".
It took me a minute to really focus in on what my emotional pain is in this time in my life. My first thought was about being single and not having the love of a partner. Almost as soon as I thought it I knew it wasn't true. I don't feel pain over being single right now, I feel great. I get so much love from my other relationships and don't feel lonely or neglected. So...if it wasn't partnership, money, career, could it be my health? Well, yes and no. I asked myself, when I am alone, what happens that brings up sadness about my life or state of being in my heart. It's a funny answer really...it's stiffness. I feel more emotional pain around the stiffness and inflexibility of my body than anything else. When I creek or cringe just moving around I feel badly about myself and frustrated that I let myself get this way. It's painful to know my young body is so weighted down with fat that it makes simple activities uncomfortable. I tell myself I can't do certain chores or activities because I'll be sore or am not flexible enough to them. That's when I feel the most negativity about myself.
So, during my morning meditation yesterday I thought about all those moments, teared up a little, then let it go and made the pain a part of my old self. I released the pressure to be perfectly flexible all the time, a month into my new life and just focused on trusting my body to be able to support everything I did during the day. I would keep myself mindful of my body's capabilities all day. And what do you know....holy hell...! I cleaned my condo, top to bottom, caulked and painted the touchup spots on the walls, had a dance party in my living room and did my squat/pushup/plank/crunch challenge. I cleaned for 7 hours yesterday. Scrubbed the tub with a toothbrush even! I bent and stretched and leaned and squatted and moved with confidence and intention. I felt amazing with my accomplishments yesterday. The old me would have sat down and watched TV for the rest of the day once my back started getting sore from cleaning just the toilet. But I pushed through and my body responded. I didn't feel like an old, fat person for one moment yesterday. It was wonderful! I'm so proud of myself and so grateful for my access to literature that changes me for the best.
Thanks be to the power of a little focused meditation.
Love,
Kel
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
The Phish Food Sabotage
Last night I had an interesting realization about my experiment. Not only is my March to March Madness an experiment with organizing and structuring my time, but it is also an experiment in how I break my patterns of bad behavior. Bad behavior is participating in anything that does not get me closer to my goals and intentions to be and live a healthy lifestyle. So here's what happen yesterday...
I had a super successful day. I took all my vitamins, drank all my water (with lemon), the tea, the detox shake and stayed away from wheat. I had a protein-rich lunch, fruit, nuts and then pushed away the urge to have take out Chinese food for dinner. I was going to have shrimp and brown rice, which is fine, but I decided to eat what I had at home and not spend the extra cash. I was proud of myself for that one. :-) I stayed after work with Lindsey to clean out the kitchen which gave me a good sweat and kept me moving for 1 1/2 hours straight. At home I made dinner and did my squat/plank/pushup/crunch challenge. I also meditated for about 10 minutes before I got into bed at 9:50pm. So where, you ask, did the sabotage occur...? I was at the grocery store to buy organic, cage-free eggs and then I put a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice-cream (my favorite) in my basket and swiped my credit card. I don't know why I bought it. Well...that's not true. I bought it because 1) it doesn't have wheat in it, and 2) I told myself I would just have a little. Well that was a big fat lie, even when I bought it! I knew I would probably eat the whole damn thing...and I did. Erica called me to invite me over for a nice dinner and a walk afterwards. I had already bought the ice-cream and brushed her off. I wanted the ice-cream and had my mind set on it.
SIDE NOTE: Sometimes when I am talking with people (mom, friends, Val) about getting a handle on my weight and making good choices, I will be thinking about the bad-for-me food I plan on buying as soon as I'm done with the conversation. My mind is already set on it! I think that's mirroring addictive behavior. I'm shaking my head in agreement with my friend and visualizing myself eating the nachos/ice-cream/candy/cheese. I need to give this side note some more thought and focus later.
Back to the Phish Food. I ate it all. It was really good, but after a few bites it became just something I was doing with my hands and my mouth because I told myself I could. Pure self-sabotage. I started to feel bad about myself. I went straight to my meditation alter, lite the candle, closed my eyes and started the tapping routine. "Even though I made a really bad decision to eat all that ice-cream after a full day of making good choices, I love and accept myself". Repeat...repeat...repeat. Then I had a little epiphany. Yes, I made a bad choice, however, I will cut myself a lot of slack. I'm only 2 1/2 weeks into a 52 week experiment to change my life by changing my choices. One slip up with some ice-cream is not the end of the world! I am totally impressed with myself so far in my ability to change so much already. Water, meditation, food, no wheat, less TV, more exercise, cooking, and reaching out to the people who love me the most. One pint of ice-cream is not going to bring me down. I have taken notice of my action and am learning from it now. Next time I'm having a staring contest with Phish Food I just might win. ;-)
TO DO:
1. Research OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and see if it's something I should more seriously consider
2. If I'm going to eat ice-cream, put it in a bowl instead of eating out of the carton
3. If I'm going to eat ice-cream, use the smallest spoon I have, not the largest (haha)
Today is another day of choices,
Kelly Neuer, Phish Food lover
I had a super successful day. I took all my vitamins, drank all my water (with lemon), the tea, the detox shake and stayed away from wheat. I had a protein-rich lunch, fruit, nuts and then pushed away the urge to have take out Chinese food for dinner. I was going to have shrimp and brown rice, which is fine, but I decided to eat what I had at home and not spend the extra cash. I was proud of myself for that one. :-) I stayed after work with Lindsey to clean out the kitchen which gave me a good sweat and kept me moving for 1 1/2 hours straight. At home I made dinner and did my squat/plank/pushup/crunch challenge. I also meditated for about 10 minutes before I got into bed at 9:50pm. So where, you ask, did the sabotage occur...? I was at the grocery store to buy organic, cage-free eggs and then I put a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice-cream (my favorite) in my basket and swiped my credit card. I don't know why I bought it. Well...that's not true. I bought it because 1) it doesn't have wheat in it, and 2) I told myself I would just have a little. Well that was a big fat lie, even when I bought it! I knew I would probably eat the whole damn thing...and I did. Erica called me to invite me over for a nice dinner and a walk afterwards. I had already bought the ice-cream and brushed her off. I wanted the ice-cream and had my mind set on it.
SIDE NOTE: Sometimes when I am talking with people (mom, friends, Val) about getting a handle on my weight and making good choices, I will be thinking about the bad-for-me food I plan on buying as soon as I'm done with the conversation. My mind is already set on it! I think that's mirroring addictive behavior. I'm shaking my head in agreement with my friend and visualizing myself eating the nachos/ice-cream/candy/cheese. I need to give this side note some more thought and focus later.
Back to the Phish Food. I ate it all. It was really good, but after a few bites it became just something I was doing with my hands and my mouth because I told myself I could. Pure self-sabotage. I started to feel bad about myself. I went straight to my meditation alter, lite the candle, closed my eyes and started the tapping routine. "Even though I made a really bad decision to eat all that ice-cream after a full day of making good choices, I love and accept myself". Repeat...repeat...repeat. Then I had a little epiphany. Yes, I made a bad choice, however, I will cut myself a lot of slack. I'm only 2 1/2 weeks into a 52 week experiment to change my life by changing my choices. One slip up with some ice-cream is not the end of the world! I am totally impressed with myself so far in my ability to change so much already. Water, meditation, food, no wheat, less TV, more exercise, cooking, and reaching out to the people who love me the most. One pint of ice-cream is not going to bring me down. I have taken notice of my action and am learning from it now. Next time I'm having a staring contest with Phish Food I just might win. ;-)
TO DO:
1. Research OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and see if it's something I should more seriously consider
2. If I'm going to eat ice-cream, put it in a bowl instead of eating out of the carton
3. If I'm going to eat ice-cream, use the smallest spoon I have, not the largest (haha)
Today is another day of choices,
Kelly Neuer, Phish Food lover
Friday, March 14, 2014
Two Weeks In - Not Too Shabby
So what have I been up to? Planning my food, centering myself in quiet moments and filling my days with friends and activities. In my efforts to schedule more, here is what I've done so far:
1. Scheduled the rest of the year with Val - once a month session
2. Went to my first appointment with Dr. Amber - scheduled my next appointment
3. Went to my first and second appointment with Breckken - scheduled my next appointment
4. Had a mani/pedi with Jenn at a NAILS store
5. Had a massage at Red Lantern in Auburn
6. Had a haircut (expensive one...) at Visions in Auburn - need to find cheaper place
7. Cleaned out my pantry, fridge and freezer of wheat and other unwanted items - stocked it with wanted items
8. Started a 30-day workout challenge with co-worker, Lindsey, for squats/plank/pushups/crunches
9. Cleared my TV DVR of all unnecessary shows that didn't mean much to me
10. Started reading "Wheat Belly"
TO DO
1. Make an appointment with my general doctor
2. Make an appointment with my gynecologist
3. Look up local places to hike and pick one a month to put in my calendar
4. Find a new place for a regular hair cut
5. Find a new place for regular mani/pedi
6. Refocus on my meditation
7. Finish reading "Wheat Belly"
8. Put more activities in my calendar, such as, Take Bath, Gym, Dance, Meditate 30 Min, etc.
All in all I feel really successful and am proud of myself for making good choices. The whole "no wheat" thing is agreeing with me so far. I am so glad I don't have to give up wheat, sugar and carbs all at the same time. In the near future I'll have to tone down my sugar choices more, but right now I'm happy with myself. I always feel full and my cravings aren't too bad. Well, I have a few phone calls to make to get my life organized. :-) I'm very happy.
~ Kel
1. Scheduled the rest of the year with Val - once a month session
2. Went to my first appointment with Dr. Amber - scheduled my next appointment
3. Went to my first and second appointment with Breckken - scheduled my next appointment
4. Had a mani/pedi with Jenn at a NAILS store
5. Had a massage at Red Lantern in Auburn
6. Had a haircut (expensive one...) at Visions in Auburn - need to find cheaper place
7. Cleaned out my pantry, fridge and freezer of wheat and other unwanted items - stocked it with wanted items
8. Started a 30-day workout challenge with co-worker, Lindsey, for squats/plank/pushups/crunches
9. Cleared my TV DVR of all unnecessary shows that didn't mean much to me
10. Started reading "Wheat Belly"
TO DO
1. Make an appointment with my general doctor
2. Make an appointment with my gynecologist
3. Look up local places to hike and pick one a month to put in my calendar
4. Find a new place for a regular hair cut
5. Find a new place for regular mani/pedi
6. Refocus on my meditation
7. Finish reading "Wheat Belly"
8. Put more activities in my calendar, such as, Take Bath, Gym, Dance, Meditate 30 Min, etc.
All in all I feel really successful and am proud of myself for making good choices. The whole "no wheat" thing is agreeing with me so far. I am so glad I don't have to give up wheat, sugar and carbs all at the same time. In the near future I'll have to tone down my sugar choices more, but right now I'm happy with myself. I always feel full and my cravings aren't too bad. Well, I have a few phone calls to make to get my life organized. :-) I'm very happy.
~ Kel
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Welcome to...An Experiment in Falling In Love with Myself
This blog is for me. Last night I realized I was no longer in love with myself and my life, while not terrible, has been lacking in self-love and appreciation. Therefore, I am not as happy as I want to be and this has manifested in weight gain, acne, dry skin, lethargy, too much TV and many moments in my head wrapped up with one word...no. I have been saying no to myself too many times in the past three years and it's finally time for me to wake myself up to my life. So...this is me...awake.
My idea is to take the strengths of my personality and use them to re-connect with myself and improve my life. I am a goal-oriented, young woman. I like to have a plan, goals and structure. I've used this skill in other areas of my life like my career, education, finance, but the one that has been most difficult is my health. I don't want to be an old 33 year old woman. I envision such a different lifestyle and I'm now ready to claim it.
I will be incorporating quite a few different things for my physical, emotional and spiritual well being.
Physical/Indulgent - Schedule services in 6 week intervals to include mani/pedi, massage, waxing routine, hair cut, mud bath, etc.
Physical/Health - Make appointments for the year with my various doctors to include chiropractor, gynecologist, eye doctor, dentist, Breckken , etc.
Physical/Workout - Schedule workout events/classes to attend - hot yoga, park far from my destination, hikes and trails, zumba classes at the gym, workout space in my living room, etc.
Mental Health/Spiritual - Create a meditation routine and space in my home, Unity church, silent retreats, books about the body/mind/spirit, Angel medium, watch more sunrises, etc.
Mental Health/Facilitated - Make appointments with my therapist, acupuncture, try hypnosis, etc.
Activities/Group - Sign up for events such as river rafting, camping with friends, festivals, 5Ks, go out dancing, invite people over more, etc.
Activities/Solo - Read more books, write in journal, organize poems, take an art class, work on my book/greeting card line, watch only my favorite TV shows and stretch while watching, etc.
Food/At Home - Clean out my kitchen of all foods I don't want to eat, stock my fridge with tons of food I can eat, make 1 new recipe a week, have water everywhere, etc.
Food/Out and About - Participate in happy hour with friends and have one drink and two waters, eat more salads in restaurants, have a stash of snack in purse/car/work, etc.
Miscellaneous - Let go of making my finances my priority, take my vitamins, realize this is a flexible experiment and failure is impossible, have a really fun year!
Well...those are some of my ideas. I don't have to do everything all at once. I just need to remember to relax and make good decisions for me. Find out what I love about me, who I want to see in the mirror every day and then nurture the relationship. Here we go!
The happy, healthy, me...
Love,
Kelly
My idea is to take the strengths of my personality and use them to re-connect with myself and improve my life. I am a goal-oriented, young woman. I like to have a plan, goals and structure. I've used this skill in other areas of my life like my career, education, finance, but the one that has been most difficult is my health. I don't want to be an old 33 year old woman. I envision such a different lifestyle and I'm now ready to claim it.
I will be incorporating quite a few different things for my physical, emotional and spiritual well being.
Physical/Indulgent - Schedule services in 6 week intervals to include mani/pedi, massage, waxing routine, hair cut, mud bath, etc.
Physical/Health - Make appointments for the year with my various doctors to include chiropractor, gynecologist, eye doctor, dentist, Breckken , etc.
Physical/Workout - Schedule workout events/classes to attend - hot yoga, park far from my destination, hikes and trails, zumba classes at the gym, workout space in my living room, etc.
Mental Health/Spiritual - Create a meditation routine and space in my home, Unity church, silent retreats, books about the body/mind/spirit, Angel medium, watch more sunrises, etc.
Mental Health/Facilitated - Make appointments with my therapist, acupuncture, try hypnosis, etc.
Activities/Group - Sign up for events such as river rafting, camping with friends, festivals, 5Ks, go out dancing, invite people over more, etc.
Activities/Solo - Read more books, write in journal, organize poems, take an art class, work on my book/greeting card line, watch only my favorite TV shows and stretch while watching, etc.
Food/At Home - Clean out my kitchen of all foods I don't want to eat, stock my fridge with tons of food I can eat, make 1 new recipe a week, have water everywhere, etc.
Food/Out and About - Participate in happy hour with friends and have one drink and two waters, eat more salads in restaurants, have a stash of snack in purse/car/work, etc.
Miscellaneous - Let go of making my finances my priority, take my vitamins, realize this is a flexible experiment and failure is impossible, have a really fun year!
Well...those are some of my ideas. I don't have to do everything all at once. I just need to remember to relax and make good decisions for me. Find out what I love about me, who I want to see in the mirror every day and then nurture the relationship. Here we go!
The happy, healthy, me...
Love,
Kelly
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